Did you hear that? Of course you didn’t.
You’re on an outing with the Can’t Hear Nature Hiker!
This cutting-edge action figure comes fully equipped to drown out any and all sounds of the natural world. Includes noise-cancelling headphones with additional built-in external speakers; 80’s style boombox with BASS BOOST; and of course, a selfie stick to ensure complete ignorance to your surroundings!
Guaranteed to repel all birds within a 2-mile radius.
Authentic speaker distortion for maximum disruption.
Stylish "Can't Hear Nature" gear to assert dominance over the environment (Available on Grailed and Depop).
Now you can escape the tyranny of nature's tranquility. Never be bothered again by the sounds of rustling leaves, babbling brooks, soothing bird songs, or the always irksome, ‘On your left.’
Can’t Hear Nature Hiker may not hear you, but you’ll certainly hear him. The perfect companion to scare off bears, deer, and other nature enthusiasts.
Warning: May cause inexplicable urges to go main character. Not responsible for preventable collisions or geological events triggered by sick beats or face melting riffs.
Can't Hear Nature Hiker is the latest from Rock Fight Action Figures... Collect 'em All!
(Disclaimer: Rock Fight Outdoor Action Figures are possibly possessed by ancient demons, throw real rocks, and are not recommended for anyone to actually own. Available exclusively at defunct toy and sporting goods retailers nowhere. All rights reserved.)