Remaining VF Properties Left Grappling With Decision To Punt On The Popular Apparel Brand
In a shockwave through the corporate fashion cosmos, VF Corporation has offloaded its beacon of cool, Supreme, to EssilorLuxottica for a cool $1.5 billion in cash. As the iconic streetwear brand dons new shades, insiders whisper that VF’s other brands are already feeling the void.
“With Supreme gone, our entire sweatshirt logoing department is in a frenzy,” admitted Emma Gouge, VF’s Vice-President of Fleecing. “They’ve been frantically Googling ‘how to make logos cool again’ since the announcement.”
The sale has left VF’s remaining brands reeling, especially with the dwindling number of summer soiree invites. “We were counting on Supreme’s clout to get us into the A-list parties,” lamented an Altra spokesperson. “Now we’re back to crashing urban trail hiking conventions. It’s not the same.”
Eyewear giant EssilorLuxottica, home to brands like Ray-Ban and Oakley, sees Supreme as their stylish savior. “We’ve always needed that ‘I woke up like this’ cool factor,” quipped Francesco Aviatorelli, EssilorLuxottica’s Chairman. “Supreme is our golden ticket to the fashion elite, even if it’s a bit like a grandpa rocking skateboards.”
VF’s portfolio is undergoing a sartorial existential crisis. Vans is rumored to be considering a “Jorts and Jellies” line to compensate for the lost Supreme edge. NorthFace was reportedly ramping up trucker hat production. Meanwhile, Dickies is contemplating a collaboration with a local knitting club to keep up with the times.
Supreme’s departure has also left a gaping hole at VF’s corporate gatherings. “We used to rely on Supreme’s team for that oddball chic,” said an anonymous VF exec. “Now, who’s going to bring the avant-garde weirdness? We might actually have to… you know, fit in.”
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